Petty Revenge’: 60 Stories Of People Who Got Payback In The Funniest But Most Ridiculous Ways
“Revenge is a dish best served cold,” is a line uttered by one of the most iconic Star Trek villains. It’s attributed to the brutal but honorable race of Klingons who believe it’s most satisfying to exact vengeance on someone when they’re least expecting it.
Whilst that may be true, it’s also enjoyable to serve it in the most immature way too. Introducing: r/PettyRevenge. The online community allows people to share their stories of payback in the most appropriate but petty way possible.
Bored Panda has collected the most ridiculous, cunning and hilarious ones. It shows why you should never mess with someone with too much time on their hands—they won’t give up on pursuing justice, no matter what it takes.
#1I moved to America to be with this guy (let's call him Richard). Richard happened to work at the same big box store as my friend J, and one day when I came to meet J from work, a coworker innocently said "Are you looking for Richard? He's staying with his girlfriend."
Me: "I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND."
Now another thing you should know about Richard is he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever. I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet, and put them back in the box. And I packed my s**t and left.
Ten years later, when I'd calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.
Image credits: AliceMorgon
#2I used to manage a Starbucks when one of my baristas asked a guy his name and he just flipped the f**k out belittling her, called her stupid etc and didn’t give a name. Anyway I take over the hand off drinks and place his drink just on the hand off with no words. (I’ll add it was a busy store with a lot of people waiting.
I just keep putting drinks out for about 10/15 minutes and douchebag walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm and goes “is this mine?” I just respond with “I don’t know it doesn’t have a name on it”.
Image credits: Thejustinset
#3My dad had an old truck parked on the back of our property that some kept stealing small parts from (cap, rotor, points, etc). We wired it to an electric fence power supply. One evening we heard a bunch of yelling and swearing and went back there and the guy left us some free tools.
Image credits: porcelainvacation
#4I have a friend whose pumpkinfall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. happened every year. my friend decided to put a stop to it.
he withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest punkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
the jackass broke the axle of his shotty car when he hit that pumpkin. could not drive away. my friend had his car towed away, too.
Image credits: cuddlenazifuckmonstr
#5I’ve told this one before, but it makes me happy to retell it.
I had a boss 7-8 years ago whom I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn’t like the smell of microwave popcorn... So she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast forward a month or so. I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in...the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it, plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six f**king months. She complained almost every day. It’s the sweetest revenge I’ve ever tasted.
Image credits: weshric
#6Not me, but for my wife. When we were younger and kind of on hard times,she took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least 5 or 6 times. Even open drinks. I was pretty pissed, a lot of times I would grill for her or make her lunch, and she was going hungry. One night I bought a big ass Gatorade and a box of those women's laxitives, both red in color. Couldn't tell the two were mixed, but we found out who the thief was.
Image credits: TheToenailCollector
#7My friend’s Sprite kept getting stolen even though she wrote her name all over the can. Finally after the fifth time, it happened she got a habanero, cut it open and rubbed it all over the top of the can and left it in the fridge. We found out who the thief was when that afternoon we hear the office drama queen shriek in her cubicle and run to the water cooler. She never stole anything again.
Image credits: dustbunnee
#8Went to a restaurant for lunch during a work shift. Out of three parking spots somebody decided to park across every single one. There were no other parking spots at the time. So i decided to park within half a foot from my passenger side to his driver door. Ordered and got my food, and noticed an older (60+) man leave and walk in the direction of our parked cars. When I left and walked towards my car, sure enough he was there, tray of drinks in one hands and a bag of food in the other, just absolutely struggling to get into his vehicle. He called out about why I parked like this and my only reply was “why did you park across 3 spots, park like and ass you better expect to be treated like one”
Image credits: Destrata911
#9I wear hearing aids, and a girl in my high school math class used to make fun of me. I had not said two words to her and gave her no reason to do it, she was just being evil.
I recording her mocking my hearing loss on my phone and played it for her parents. They took the new car they just bought her back to the dealership.
Image credits: Redditor
#10So I’m at Costco, in need of dog food, and it’s ridiculously busy for a Monday. Barely any parking spots until I spot one at the end of the lot. I make my way down the aisle, and am about to turn into the parking spot when a lady RUNS OVER THE CURB and almost hits me to take the spot. Thankfully I tapped my brakes in time or she would have taken off my bumper.
I look up and she is shaking her head and wagging her finger in a “no” motion at me. WTF? I was like okay I’ll just wait for her to back up since I’m obviously turning into the spot. She doesn’t. My girlfriend is with me and was pissed that the lady wasn’t budging. I gave her my Costco card and just sat in the aisle in a face off with this lady. She goes inside, gets the dog food, comes back out, and loads up the car. She then pushes the cart into the spot we were waiting for and hops in the car.
The look on the woman’s face was enough to give me satisfaction for a week. She had to get out and move the cart so she could park once I reversed through the entire aisle. Worth it.
Image credits: nedragh
#11When I worked at Starbucks we had one racist and sexist costumer who always disturbed our work. He only wanted the men to make his drinks and he literally ignored the women (or said something creepy) and he didn’t want our one black guy to make his drink either. We always gave him decaffeinated even though he asked for caffeinated. Pretty petty and childish but it helped a little bit.
Image credits: yrexi
#12My coworker sometimes throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it.
Every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
Image credits: Brunurb1
#13I had a roommate who used a lot of spoons (he ate a lot of pudding, soup, ice cream, yogurt, etc) and would never wash his dishes. I was tired of washing his dishes so I let them pile up in the sink until we got to the last spoon. This one I washed and hid in my room each time I used it.
Image credits: pbfh33
#14We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she'd cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.
Image credits: AmyDiaz99
#15This guy insulted me so I found a notebook he left in class, and left it in the bookshelves and covered it with books so he could never find it.
Image credits: cricketsarenice
#16I heard of this guy who found out his girlfriend cheated on him, so he out mass gainer powder in her smoothies for a month and she gained like 15 pounds.
Image credits: OneAndOnlyJackSchitt
#17My mum and her friend had a massive fight, and my mum's friend sent a letter to my mum scolding her and pretty much saying "We're no longer friends" and my mum, as an Ex-Teacher, took out a red pen, corrected all the spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes, and mailed it right back to her
Image credits: YourApril27
#18An uncle of mine was a serious addict and an all around a**hole. When I was a kid it was pretty common for him to steal from my grandparents, including a lot of things they intended to give me when I was older (a coin collection, things like that). There's a long list of things he did over the course of my life to piss me off, but I'll skip to the petty revenge.
I was browsing the local county website and noticed there was a section for active warrants. I wondered if any familiar names were listed so I browsed it and to my complete lack of surprise, I saw my uncle's name listed for something minor. Then I saw the Crime Stoppers number at the top of the page. I knew where he was living at the time and it was anonymous, so what the hell? I called, described him and told them where he was. They gave me a reference number and told me to call back in two weeks.
For the sake of being thorough, I called a relative from the other side of the family who, funny enough, was not only a cop but also in charge of following up on these things. I told him the situation and he said he'd prioritize it.
Two weeks later, I call Crime Stoppers for an update and they said the tip did indeed lead to an arrest and asked which post office I preferred. I was confused but I named one. They gave me an alias, told me to give that name to the clerk and there would be a general delivery envelope with $200 cash inside. That part was unexpected but a sweet bonus for sure.
Easiest $200 I ever made.
#19I was dating this girl and thought she was the one, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. I worked late for my job, so I was just happy there was someone in my bed. I came home one night and she was awake. She confessed to using my apartment to cheat on me with seven different people, so I packed her stuff up.
I then lied to her and said I moved to Seattle, but moved to Hawaii instead.
Three month's after being in Hawaii, I get a phone call from her. To my surprise she's called me from the Seattle airport. She flew out there to try and fix things between us.
Me: So you're in Seattle?
Her: Yeah! Weren't you listening? I came here to fix us.
Me: Oh...well, that's too bad.
Her: What's bad?
Me: I'm in Hawaii. (Hung up the phone.)
(Phone rings again.)
Her: YOU LIED TO ME!
Me: How does it feel?
Image credits: Alucard1886
#20My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom.
About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together. After he paid for the moving truck, deposit and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heart broken.
In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her ("I mean, it's really important. It's my NORTHFACE.") My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him.
Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important Northface sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her, and let her know that I hope all is well. The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important Northface when I wrote it.
Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink. The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn't have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface.
She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
#21Crossing at a busy downtown intersection, a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller (she had the right of way).
I slowed down, but the guy next to me straight up stopped in front of the car, then bent down to re-tie his shoelaces.
#22Delivered pizzas about a week for my best friend's shop. Warned me about a few customers, but one in particular was always rude to the drivers and never tipped. Lucky for me, I got to deliver his order of a single calzone, maybe $6 or $7 total, and he tried to pay with a $50 bill.
All the menus and the website prominently said nothing over a $20 bill for deliveries, and he'd been their customer long enough to know that. But when I told him this while explaining how I didn't have enough change, he got extremely rude and was loud about how it's not his fault and that drivers should always carry enough money on them.
So I did what any person in that situation should do, and told him not to worry about it, and I'd pay for the order. For those few seconds he thought he'd won a free calzone - until I pulled it out and started eating it as I walked back to my car.
#23I had a childhood bully of mine serve me food at McDonald's. It wasn't like actual revenge, but it was somewhat satisfying seeing a kid who was so cruel to me growing up having to serve me. I don't think he recognized me because I was much skinnier and had a beard now, but I definitely recognized him.
#24I had a roommate in college that would blare their tv in their room and talk loudly on speakerphone well into the night. I was young and too big a pussy to confront them about it. After a semester I had had enough. One time before going out I put my speakers up against our shared wall and blasted Enya’s Only Time on endless repeat. I also locked my door so they couldn’t come in to turn it off. I got back around 3am.
#25My company has a password policy that locks your account after 3 wrong password attempts. A few times when someone irritates me I'll lock my computer, switch user, and enter their username with a wrong password 3 times so they get locked out. Now they have to deal with help desk to unlock their account.
#26A young guy down the street was constantly speeding through the neighborhood. He gets home from work around the same time every day and always rips it down the street to his driveway. I called the city and had a cop come out and do radar.
He got a dangerous driving charge and stopped speeding around here
#27I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week, and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn't leave her car alone.
Image credits: otefl
#28There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Always taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). Months of this.
I drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.
I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is double parked again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited. The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.
I've never been so proud of myself and my shitty, petty, passive aggressive ways.
#29My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered with the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers. Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless.
Afterwards, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I'd found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that her bathroom piles never got quite as big.
#30My brother in law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.
My wife turned off the TV, wrote "broken" on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. Took my brother in law several days to figure it out.
#31Went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said what are you doing? I said, I paid for it I’m taking it home. And I did.
#32My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life
#33My brother did something to his annoy his then girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?
#34I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently often times during the week. One day my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to piss on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down giving him a frozen disc of piss, he then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entry way. Woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who pissed on the floor what the fuck was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn't and eventually got evicted.
#35I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me. And he threw my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire porn collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 second each. Took me about an hour to go thru them all. I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the GM and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him. Gave him the new girls work and personal number so they could find him.
Dont mess with my dogs.
#36I’m in a class where a group research project/presentation is a huge chunk of overall points. Everyone knows in group projects you always have that one slacker who doesn’t do anything that you have to compensate for. However, I got stuck with possibly the worst 3 people to be in a project with in the class.
I did the entire research, presentation, poster boards, etc among many other annoying things myself. I tried talking to them and telling them they needed to put in their share of effort. Ignored. I’d send them tasks to do, ignored. I’d try to schedule meetings, they’d say they were coming and then leave me alone at the library. This happened from the get go.
It was abundantly clear that they expected everyone else to do the work, but “everyone else” turned out to be just me.
Rule: We couldn’t have things 100% memorized word for word, and we couldn’t read off of anything. We had to actually know the subject. I was fully prepared to do most of the talking and even wrote down a small script for them and told them to know what to say during their part, at the very least. The night before I told them we had to meet to at least go over the whole thing one time.
Once again, none of them showed.
At this point I’m livid and decide they can just do it themselves, which means they’d get up there, not know a damn thing to say other than the small info I gave them, and couldn’t even bullsh*t anything because they did no research. Thing is, if we miss without an excuse, we fail the project. If you have an excuse, you have to have documentation. I commute and live an hour away, so I decide that I’ll conveniently have a flat tire right before class. Went out and actually bought a tire so I could have the receipt to prove it. Emailed the professor, who said I can present by myself during his office hours.
Turns out, they completely bombed, and not only probably failing the project, but since they’re bad students, might even fail the class.
#37In middle school, this girl Amy used to taunt me constantly. She was in my group of friends and would always put me down and say “GOD” whenever I’d say something. Years of her insulting, acting like she was better and sooo above me and everything I did.
Anyway, fast forward to senior year, math class. She’s sitting in front of me and audibly farts. Me, loudly: wow Amy (last name) so disgusting! Laughter ensued, teacher was in tears.
#38I use to go to this arcade and play a certain basketball game (as my name indicates). I was climbing the all time wins leaderboard in said game (very close behind number 1)when one day my account vanishes! None of the other accounts do, and i learn that somehow the #1 wins player (who works there) had a hand in it. I waited until he played another game and watched as he put in his code for his initials/account, then waited 30 min when he was done, logged into his account on that machine and tanked a game pretty hard. When i was done his record dropped to 210-1. Unfortunately i did not see his reaction, but i got way too much vengence satisfaction from it.
#39At work, I had set my iced tea down on a table. A coworker walks past and starts mildly coughing. He gestured to my drink as if to ask them picked it up and started water-falling it without my OK. He drank a good third of it. So like a week later he was in the cafeteria when I walked in and I saw him open a 16once Red Bull. I casually walked passed and grabbed it from the table before he took his first sip and dumped it in the trash. Then I reveled in my sweet revenge.
#40I used to work doing stuco in east Texas. One guy just never paid us, so we spent a day tearing down everything we worked on.
Another time, while working for a small machine shop, a customer kept dicking us around about paying for some work we did. Was all a walk-in job. Paid half up front and would pay the rest at pick up. Well, he needed his part NOW and would pay us the remainder in a month or so. So....... We cut his part in half and said we'll give him the other half in a month or so.
Lesson of the story, don't fuck around with contractors.
#41Grounded yet again by my Angry Dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do I flicked the light switches on and off (pre-mobile era folks, we had to make our own fun...). It was then I discovered that this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next 5 years of petty revenge...
Angry Dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time, he never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV.
#42Ok this is REALLY petty. My husband is insane about lamps and side tables matching and being symmetrical. Like annoying about it. So whenever we have an unrelated argument, even after we’ve made up, I slightly shift a table lamp askew, or I’ll tilt a picture frame. For years he thought it was the city bus driving over a manhole cover. He even called the city about it. I considered telling him IF the city got involved with rerouting the manhole. They didn’t. PHEW!
#43At my previous job, we had separate refrigerators for the different shifts. Our food was constantly constantly being stolen or messed with. One day, my buddy and I decided to make a nice cherry cheesecake... out of cooking lard. We finished it off with graham cracker crust and cut a couple of slices out of it since we knew the thief wouldn’t be brazen enough to take the first bite. We never found out who the thief was, but we never had to worry about anyone messing with our food ever again.
#44This happened almost a decade ago with my first boyfriend. He was a manipulative, selfish, raging douchebag and I was a 16 year old with no self esteem. A match made in hell.
He basically lived at my house and had me cook for him all the time. He was trying to impress one of my "gangster" pot growing neighbors so he would have me make them snacks multiple times a day. His favorite thing to eat was french fries.
I would be making 3 or 4 batches a day. Since I was cooking so many fries I would keep the crisco I used to fry them in an empty coffee tin in the fridge. Over the course of 3 days the crisco smelled exactly like potatoes.
So my ex asks me to make him some french fries yet again (I'm the only one paying for them btw). When I tried to serve myself a plate of the fries I had just cooked he yelled at me and said these were only for him and his friend. He took the whole heaping plate and ran off!
My blood was boiling and I plotted revenge! I waited for the crisco to solidify and I whipped it with a fork so it looked like mashed potatoes. Because of the many batches of fries it smelled like mashed potatoes too. Now I just had to wait.
Soon enough my ex was back and he was still hungry because of all the pot he smoked with my neighbor. He had the balls to ask me for more fries! So I sweetly told him that I'd made mashed potatoes for him while he was gone.
He was so pleased! He said "Thanks babe!" And took the biggest spoonfull he could straight put of the pot. He put the overflowing spoon straight into his gob with a huge smile on his face. His smile quickly turned into disgust and he started violently throwing up in the sink.
He never asked me to make fries again in our short relationship. I broke up with him btw.
#45My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend is so petty he did many things...such as;
Placed fake for sale ads with too good a deal like a nice boat for 1000$ and other numerous ads with the guys number.
Our city is big on garage sales. He posted ads like “moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the door bell” then put this guys address on the ad.
He also signed him up for numerous “free gym memberships” and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guys phone number.
He did a lot more, that’s just what I can remember. I don’t know who I feel more sorry for.
#46I did this unintentionally, but it’s still revenge (petty..I don’t know you tell me).. in elementary school I would get pulled into a small room for one on one teaching sessions every week and I would have three/four different teachers.. this day I had the one I hated soooo much (my family didn’t like her either) and I asked her if I can go to the bathroom, “no”.. 10 minutes later I asked again... “no”..4 minutes after asking that time I stood up to tell her i really really really bad to go.. she said “no, shit down)... guys it was too late I was already going on the carpet. I was crying and her jaw went to the floor! That bitch was still cleaning it when I was walking back from the nurses office.
I was in 2nd grade. My grandma (she raised me) never wanted that teacher to teach me ever and she got in trouble for not letting me go to the bathroom.
#47Back in the late 90s I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like. Well there was a guy in our department James who was a pretty crappy worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him. Well apparently the manager didn't watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break so literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined. 20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.
#48My roomate kept on grabbing my peanut butter without asking so I bought a bottle of miralax and made sure all of it went no to the peanut butter. Locked the bathroom door when I left in the morning. He shat on himself shat all over his bed and had to buy a new one.
#49He took my engagement ring and pawned it for an XBOX. I took the XBOX and gave it to my new boyfriend.
#50In highschool, kid named Anthony was a d*ck to me
Pushed me out the way when I was at a vending machine and stole my dollar. Said mean words to me. General bully stuff
The school had 6 class periods so we could get used to what college is like
I had him in my last class of the day
Right before the bell rang him and his bully friends where fucking around and throwing shit at each other. A broken red pen went flying and hit me by accident right as the bell rang. As he started to go out the class doors I pelted that fucking pen at the back of his head as hard as I could.
He clutched his head and I blended into the masses.
No one saw me do it.
Hahahaha f*ck you Anthony
#51One time this girl at my University started yelling at me because I parked too close to her. She was in her car literally shouting at me the whole time I adjusted the park. When I fixed it she rolled down her window and I did the same. She said “You idiot! You were gonna hit me!” My response was “If I wanted to hit you, I would have.”
Like a week later she got into a car accident after rolling through a stop light and lost her license. Karma’s a bitch
#52My brother used to leave butt lint on the toilet seat. Like, there would just be a line of grossness in the spot where your buttcrack is on the toilet seat. I was constantly telling him to wipe it off and he never fucking would. Sooo I started using his toothbrush to clean it up and never told him. It went on for like a year.
#53One of my roommates kept stealing my pop tarts so I ordered a little UV fingerprint powder off Amazon and dusted it over the packaging. Next time a poptart got stolen I checked all of my roommates door knobs for the powder with a black light and found out who was stealing my breakfast.
Alex you still owe me a box of cinnamon frosted pop tarts you dick.
#54I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do, and more, but he still marked me low. I know it's because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise, but at least say you don't want to/can't afford to. I'll at least respect your honesty. Anything else, and you can go fuck yourself.
Anyway, he told me I didn't go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? "Well, I never see you do it". I said "Well, maybe if management didn't always hang out at guest services and went around to the other floors, where I am doing my job, you'd have seen me". That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude, but idgaf.
Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I'd previously told him I didn't have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I'd say yes.
I looked him in the eyes and said "Sorry, but I don't see that you guys need my help."
#55One time my dog came in my room and jumped on the bed while I was sleeping, waking me up. I scolded her and told her to get down. She slowly hopped off the bed, turned to look at me , sat down, and WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT scooted her ass across the floor, leaving a nice little poop mark. Looked away, stood up, left. I miss that little gremlin.
#56On the first snowfall one year, a coworker balled up a snowball and threw it right in my face in front of the whole office. Everyone laughed and he refused to apologize. So on the next workday it snowed, I gathered a backpack of snowballs and disguised myself as a snowman in front of our work building, waiting for him to arrive. When he did and tried to open the front door I had locked, I burst from my snowman disguise and pelted him repeatedly with snowballs! My fingers and penis were frozen from waiting as a snowman but it was definitely worth it.
#57Guy in an El Camino was aggressively tailgating me in the slow lane. On the highway. Traffic was light so he could have passed easily. I’m in a SUV. I see metal debris in the road ahead of me. I know I can clear it and do. He wasn’t so lucky.
#58I hated art at school. I enjoyed learning about it but I wasn’t good at it and our teacher didn’t just favour the talented students but she actually punished the bad students. It was ridiculously unjust.
So I did my best at some art style and was put in detention because she didn’t like my last three pieces.
In detention I had to stay after school and wash stuff. I threw out boxes of acrylic paint to spite her.
Later that week, she couldn’t find the acrylic paint for our lesson and freaked the fuck out. I didn’t think she’d have such a severe reaction but then it became clear that she was stressed because she was a completely incompetent teacher and couldn’t figure out a substitute lesson plan. She also thought she had misplaced the paint and it was her fault and began panicking that the head of department would reprimand her in some way.
Another teacher came in and gave a substitute lesson plan to her.
Petty but pleasurable.
Edit: for those wincing at the idea of throwing out acrylic paint- I looked it up, it was poster paint. I was suspicious at the idea of my school spending a lot of money on art supplies! They did not.
Second edit, to add a little more context: someone pointed this out in the comments but the teacher disliked me and my art because she felt I was not trying and ignoring her advice. I tried very hard, if only to get her to leave me alone. As an adult I can understand that something that comes so naturally to you, to see someone fail so abysmally so many times, you can get the impression that they don’t care for the activity and won’t try/are disrespecting you by ignoring your advice. Simple as that, I was that bad that she thought I was constantly taking the piss.
#59When I was in law school I went to a bar with a bunch of law school students and decided I wanted a cig - I went outside and a whole bunch of girls are smoking. I don’t like to bum cigarettes, but I had a free small fry coupon from McDonald’s. I offered it to the girl if she would give me a cigarette, she said okay. I handed it to her, and then she wouldn’t give me a cigarette. She said “You shouldn’t be so trusting.”
Flash forward a few months, and I’m the head GA for the IT for a division in our university, which includes administration. I went up to replace a computer and saw the same girl - she was waiting in line for a job interview. I went up to the person who was conducting the interviews (I was their IT person too) and told them the story.
She didn’t get the job.