75 Examples Of ‘Nice Guys’ Exposing Their True Colors

When you hear the term "nice guy", what comes to your mind? If you imagined a gentle and thoughtful fellow always ready to lend a helping hand, consider yourself lucky. You see, it means something else in the dating culture — men who act all chivalrous in public but change for the worse behind closed doors.

These insecure men believe they are entitled to romantic relationships and deserve to be rewarded with physical affection because of their allegedly kind personalities. Well, women who encountered them while navigating the dating maze say otherwise.

Redditor targetgoldengoose raised a question to fellow members of Ask Reddit: "Has anyone ever given a 'nice guy' a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen?" Below, we selected some of the best answers, but be warned — some of them might make your blood boil. Continue scrolling and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!


My sister did... She is a hairstylist and one of her clients was very aggressive about asking her out. He repeatedly bought flowers, concert tickets, and other gifts which he brought to her at work, and she said no each time because he seemed a little off.

He got in a car accident and was really badly injured, and she felt sorry for him so she went out with him finally. They dated a few months before breaking up, I don't know the exact reason why. But after that he started stalking her.

It's been over 5 years since then and he is still keeping tabs on her. She's reported him to the police multiple times, has a restraining order, and has blocked him on FB/everywhere else, but every few months he finds a way to contact her.

So if you get weird vibes from someone, don't give them a chance or you might end up with a lifelong stalker like my sister has.


Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years. Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes

To learn more about the "nice guy" syndrome (NGS), we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. "[It] of course isn’t an actual psychiatric disorder or condition, but a term coined on the Internet to describe a social phenomenon that has existed for a long time," he told Bored Panda.

"NGS is essentially the mindset and approach of many guys toward women. It rests on one of two premises: that women should like, want to date, or want to sleep with them because they are 'nice guys', or that being a 'nice guy' entitles them to the attention and affection of women."

Dr. Matthews explained that the first premise makes logical sense to these guys "because people like or are more attracted to nice people, right? The second is more extreme, given the sense of entitlement that some of these guys feel, and this suggests deeper issues like narcissism or even sociopathy/psychopathy. They may see it as, 'Ok, I’ve done the work, now it’s time for me to be paid'."


I did. It was like dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Treated me like royalty when he was pleased with my behavior, then either snapped into a rage or retreated into wounded silence at the slightest perceived wrongdoing. Expected me to be the Madonna and the Whore, whichever he preferred at the time, and if I failed to anticipate his will, I was shamed and berated. Never a-f***ing-gain.


I was once in a similar situation. I dated a sweet guy. But honestly, “sweet” is subjective. He was a gentleman, but he INSISTED on ALWAYS opening the car door for me (he literally would not let me touch the car handle, like at all), letting me eat first ALWAYS (instead of both at the same time cause honestly it’s not a biggie for me), commented that I should never cut my hair, etc...

I felt like I was with a man from the 50s. It was draining to be treated “like a queen” instead of an equal. Other than that, he was okay.

Anyways, when I broke up with him, I felt like he didn’t want to let me go. Like I had to explain over and over again that I wasn’t feeling it and that he deserved someone that would feel the same way about him.

He hung up the phone with, “you don’t know what you missed out on.”

... Mmmm... Okay, I guess...


I dated a nice guy for 7 months after he cried and begged. He was a 'friend' and he made me laugh so I figured 'why not'.

It was the longest 7 months of my life. He didn't let me have friends. He didn't want me to get a job (he said I'd f**k the customers), he cried all the time (especially when he suspected that I loved my sisters more than him). He ended up cheating on me by writing love songs/poems to girls online. I was so happy he did that cause I thought I had to wait until 'he did something' to warrant breaking up. Even when I confronted him, he insisted we just go on a break.

Yeah that was the f***ing worst. Don't give 'nice guys' a chance

When asked what causes such behavior, the psychologist mentioned that there isn’t any one thing that can lead to this kind of ideology or behavior, but if he had to point out a few things, it would be low self-confidence or self-esteem, anxiety, depression, narcissism, or other psychological issues.

"It could also be a rigid concept of dating and relationships, that exhibiting certain behavior (i.e. 'nice') is going to lead to an expected outcome. Or, it could be a belief that being 'nice' is a good relationship strategy," Dr. Matthews said and added that perhaps it’s worked for them before, this is the persona a guy has taken on, or they have seen it on TV or movies.


I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.

I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, “We have two” when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.

We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!

I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.


Way too many times in college. I had guys in the "friend zone" who I decided to give a chance because I was stupid and I felt sorry for them

I last straw was when a guy took me shopping. I said "yes" in lonely desperation on a Friday night, this was a Saturday afternoon.

After every store I went into he would either criticize me for not wanting him to buy me anything (I'm not much of a shopper anyways) or ask me for sex because he bought me a used videogame I wanted.

Never again. There's a good reason incels are incels


He sent me over 26 texts a day telling me I’m a worthless b**ch, deserve to get raped to loosen my holes, that he hopes I die, that I’m a sociopathic c**t, and everything else you could imagine, for months, just because I told him we should be friends only (after giving him a chance after his tantrum). I was scared to block at first because he knew my address but I’ve finally blocked him


A girlfriend told me that when she was still new to dating, she gave a nice guy a shot. They were in different states and after weeks of "owing him" a sexy picture or video she agreed to FaceTime him with a wink wink agreement that things might get steamy.

The day comes and this 300lb unwashed dude called her (190lb, 5'6) "nice, but bigger than he liked" and suggested she start working out. He then pushed for an in-person visit near him so that he could show her the wonders of carnal things.

She ghosted him shortly after that.

However, the so-called "nice guys" can turn into men who endorse toxic masculinity. Dr. Matthews argued that most of these fellows believe they are genuinely good people and perhaps the opposite of "abusive, sexist, alpha male" types.

"Of course, it’s good to be nice, meaning kind, honest, genuine, respecting boundaries, and so on — but NGS is a more extreme version of that. It discounts the fact that women have free will, and who they are and are not attracted to does not always have to do with how nice they are." So when it doesn’t work out for them, "they are going to be hurt and upset, and are going to blame either the world or the woman."

When men act like this enough times, it leads to negative attitudes about women — from "they don’t know what they’re missing" to "they don’t know what they want" to "they’re stupid" to "how dare she reject me". Since guys believe their behavior should be rewarded, they are likely to feel rejected and perhaps hurt very personally when this doesn’t happen, Dr. Matthews explained.


I've had this situation too. Dated a guy for a few mths. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.

It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so f***ing uncomfortable. Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).

I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.


Yes. This. He stopped any form of compliments or encouragement and I found myself desperately trying to seek his approval (my own issues, definitely, can't blame him for having them). But he seemed to take pleasure in withholding affection from me and using insults, put downs, and back handed compliments to keep me in a cycle of walking on egg shells.


Ahhh my time to shine! I met him on Tinder. He seemed like a really nice guy.

He wasn’t bad looking and was a little dorky. Just how I like them. He was in school and a hardworking guy, so he seemed nice.

On our first date he took me to eat wings and everything went well.

Then s**t got weird. On our second date he drove us to the place and he started doing this weird thing where he would get out the car, and then LOCK ME inside while he came around to open the door. I understand he probably wanted to be chivalrous but that was a bit strange. He could’ve just said “I’ll get the door.”

Then he started texting me nonstop asking when we would hang out and stuff. Even when I told him I was busy and I had things to do. If I didn’t answer him on time he would blow up my phone. He also had this weird thing where he had braces because in his teens he had had crooked teeth and whenever I would tell him off, he would be like “you’ll see jakebakescakes, whenever I get my braces taken off you’ll regret treating me like this”. Like what??? You’re the one blowing me up.

The final nail on the coffin was when I went to his house and we were in his bed, I told him I didn’t want to do anything and then we started making out, and I still told him I don’t want to any further than that and he still tried to put his p*nis inside me.

I guess he felt like he deserved it because we went out on a couple of dates.


In college. Was besties with a dude who lived on my floor freshman year. He was into me, I didn’t really feel the same way. Then he basically bullied me into dating him by throwing a tantrum saying I was a bad person to not give him a chance. He ended up being the most controlling and manipulative bf I’ve ever had. Managed to get out of it but wasted a year and a half of my best years on that s**t head

When it comes to getting rid of NGS, men need to reflect on and change their attitudes about women, dating, relationships, and so on since these attitudes appear to drive the behavior. "Gaining insight into having these attitudes and then where they came from would be an important starting point."

"This can be done through self-reflection, reading books or articles, watching videos, and of course going to therapy. Even without a sense of entitlement or ever doing anything 'harmful' to a woman, NGS is certainly an ineffective way to go about relationships, and it does include an element of manipulation. It’s unlikely that even a 'successful' relationship that started this way would work out in the long run."


Even in the comments most of these guys turn out to be super manipulative.

My sister had a "nice guy" friend in HS. At first he was a great guy but as he got more impatient with her "deciding whether or not to date him" he became very manipulative.

"So since we're just friends, I guess it was ok for me to go to VS with my ex and watch her try on lingerie? Even though we broke up, my opinion still matters to her because I'm such a good guy."

My innocent and self conscious sister who didn't want to sound like a control freak "no. I guess that's cool."

One week later they're dating.

Mean comments all throughout the relationship:

"Btw my friends think you're stupid, but I defended you"

"Btw my brother thinks you're a b**ch, but I defended you. Now my brother and I aren't talking. You matter more."

On the phone: sister talking about her day

Boyfriend barely paying attention, "Wow. Cool. Ok. Wait what? Sorry playing video games"

Sister sincerely, "oh well if you're busy I can call you back later"


After that I told her to dump him but he called back crying and apologizing, so she gave him another chance. Eventually she broke up with him and the next day he skipped school and had his friends tell her that he slit his wrists last night and was in ICU because of her.

She called me flipping out saying I needed to take her to the hospital to see him. I showed up at the school with a peach bellini to calm her down (low alcohol. She was only a junior after all. What are older sisters for). She was all "ok so which hospital is he at?"

I explained that he wasn't in ICU. He was home playing video games. She didn't believe me. He had already blocked her on FB but I was still his friend so I showed her all his posts front that day "taking some "me" time guys!" "I finally beat final fantasy!" "Home alone! S'mores for lunch?"

Yeah she never talked to him again.

**Guys this blew up. Thank you for all your support and addaboys..addagirls.


Yes. It worked out that he also felt entitled to other things and felt like “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer for things like sex when he “did so much for me.”


It was my first experience on OkCupid.

The guy seemed ok on paper, we swapped non nude pictures so none of us would be surprised with the way we looked. We talked on Skype for 2 weeks because at the time I was in campus town and scrolling OkCupid for my hometown. I told him I would be back home after finals and that it would take 2-3 weeks before we could meet in person.

It was good to talk to someone who wasn't outright trying to sexualize/fetishize me. I don't remember the convos, but I thought it was good enough to meet him in person.

Anyway, so we meet. I got dressed up and he was in t-shirt and cargo pants. I bought us both a latte (it was a coffee date). We sat down, and he talked mostly about himself and his job. At some point, he stood up, walked behind me, and started giving me a shoulder rub, while I was seated. I never asked for a massage and why would I accept one in public?

I got bored, so I pretexted a family supper to leave and he was like "Uh, too bad, I could have had brought you home" and I thought "I thought I told him already it wasn't going to happen so soon".

I decide to let him know on Skype that there wasn't any spark and that I wished him good luck on OkCupid. AND HE EXPLODED AT ME. How all women are the same, we want nice gentle guy, but won't give them a chance. How "sparks" are made up by rom com to trick women and in real life it doesn't happen instantly. How I led him on because we talked for weeks and now I just decide not to push it further. How he is done with women. And so on.

Then he blocked me.


I dated a guy in High school. Relationship was ok but it was long distance so we amicably ended it. He was the one that brought it up and I agreed. Fast forward 6 months and he randomly messages me. Everything is friendly until I mention that I have a new boyfriend. The conversation did a quick 180 from Hi how are you to You'll never find someone like me and how could I start dating again so soon. I blocked his ass real fast. And he was right, I never did find another guy like him because I married the new boyfriend and we're still together 18 years later.

As for women who encounter these "nice guys", Dr. Matthews noted it’s important to recognize when a guy is acting this way since their behavior is often not as kind as it seems. "There is a difference between being a friend and playing the nice role in hopes of some reward. If possible, women should pay attention to any signs, since “nice guy” behavior can … escalate in the form of bigger gestures, increased touching or affection, or suggesting or asking for things in return."

It would be a good idea to back away and not to have it go any farther, "or tell the person that you appreciate their kindness or support, but you are ok now. One could also call a guy out if they felt comfortable, but again some of these guys can feel quite rejected and may get very angry and lash out. And in a small number of cases, they can become aggressive or resort to tactics like blackmail to try to get what they want."


Male speaking and this is my nice guy moment from about 7 years ago. I contacted a girl of afro/Caucasian descent that I used to be in a school club with. We got along well but we're mostly just acquaintances through the club but I thought she was cute.

At some point I made the smartest decision and said something along the lines of "I don't normally find black girls attractive but you .." and she rightfully got offended that I was SO considerate to like her. That hit me like a ping pong ball against a battleship and I got pissed because of what she said, I did nothing wrong after all! What was the big deal in saying that!? Respond pouty.

At some point in the next 5 minutes of rereading to try to understand what happened it finally hit me that I had been a pompous asshat and that there was nothing smooth or charming about that and I apologised and now the memory helps keep me company when I'm trying to fall asleep XD

Uh moral of the story? Nice guys can mature out of their state I guess? Married almost two years now (different lady).


I use to be one of those guys. Always in the friend zone. Back messages. Why won’t they give me a chance? Keep giving them chances to give me a chance. Why do they keep going for the jerks?

I got lucky. I was hanging out at a girls house with a bunch of friends. Huge house. Her Mom knew all of us and could see what was going on. Her Mom and I crossed paths one night away from the others and we got to talking. I mentioned how hard I was trying and how lonely I was and no one would give me a chance. She said maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I kept giving them too many chances. They knew they could always come back if they wanted. Instead of trying to be what they wanted, just be myself. Give someone a chance and if it doesn’t work out, there’s more fish in the sea.

It really caught my attention. I still think about that conversation regularly. Instead of trying to fit myself into someone’s life because I found them attractive, I started finding people attractive who were more like me. I started dating a larger variety of people. I broke up with people when I wasn’t happy instead of trying to stick it out for sex.

I became much more happy myself. Eventually I met a waitress where a really good friend of mine worked. We hung out. I asked one time if she’d like a back message, and she said yes. We moved in. We got married. We have two wonderful kids.

The problem was I kept trying to fit myself into someone else’s life and expecting to be compensated. But I turned it around and got my own life. Then found someone who’s life meshed with mine. No “compensation” needed. Sex happens when we are horny (and the kids cooperate by not staying up too late. XD ). It doesn’t hinge on things. It’s its own thing.

Anyway, just thought my story might be helpful to someone.


I didn't, but my friend did.

See, me and This Guy had a Mutual Friend. This Guy saw himself as a white knight and would use that term to describe himself. He had a code of honour, and he was always somebody who'd walk the girl home, lend out his jacket, that sort of thing.

Well, Mutual Friend was asked out by This Guy, and he threw a fit when she turned him down. So, she gave him a chance. At first, she was happy. He pulled out chairs, lent her his jacket, brought her gifts, that kind of thing. But... it became apparent that he was incredibly possessive and things were always on his terms. So, they broke up.

About six months after This Guy was dumped, he decided he liked me. Telling him I wasn't interested didn't work the first or second time, so the third time I decided to just come out and tell him I was asexual. I hadn't done so before because I wasn't sure how he'd take it. He decided that I was lucky he was such a nice guy, because if he wasn't then he'd have taken that as a challenge.

I haven't hung out with This Guy since then. Just, no.


Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids. Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f**k out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.

To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.

"This is a real problem that women deal with. At best, it’s just guys without the confidence to go about showing interest in a more direct way or with unrealistic ideas about relationships. There is likely a spectrum of manipulative behavior they use to try to get women to like them, but at worst, it is based on sexism or a toxic view of women and relationships, as well as narcissism," Dr. Matthews concluded.


I was the ‘nice guy’ who got turned down for a second date. I said the same bulls**t that any ‘nice guy’ says when that happens, ie) all women are the same, say they want nice guys, only date assholes, etc.

She said ‘Well, fine, let’s have that second date but doesn’t it make you feel weird to have to convince someone to date you? Don’t you want someone who wants to be with you?’

Me: ...

Changed absolutely everything about dating for me.


Yes. 2 months later he forced me into his car, sped insanely fast with metal music blaring to a very rural area, pulled into a field, raped me, then paced back and forth for awhile. Im guessing he was wondering if he should kill me or not. I told him what a great drive i had and suggested we get donuts. I wrote help and his name plate number on a paper towel and stuck it on the mirror. I still have a hard time comprehending everything about that night. Just say no if someone feels off. You don't owe anyone something because they pitch a hissy.

I just fb stalked. It appears he had sex with a girl from his work. The condom 'failed' the first time they had sex. She married him, had 2 more kids back to back. Then went to single and started posting a bunch of dv survivor posts. It also appears her mental age is much younger than her physical one. I was certain he was trying to get me pregnant. I thought i was being weird. But i guess my instinct was right. Poor girl


I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. (He was super nerdy, I was 16 and he was 19.) He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.

When I lost my virginity to him, he said I basically raped him because he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b**ch.

I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.


I had a guy who would constantly ask me out or make really awkward advances for like a year +

I finally hit a pretty low point after coming out of a relationship and agreed to go out on a date. He seemed actually kind of nice and we ended up dating and lived together for a bit. It all turned sour though, when he realised that all his "cute punk girl" bullshit he had projected on to me wasn't who i am and I wasn't changing to what he wanted me to be, and then all of a sudden he was out with friends constantly and coming home drunk.

The morning he came home, around 6am, telling me he kissed another woman finally woke me up and i left him.

He would still send me messages for months after we broke up, not acknowledging my replies saying i have a boyfriend and it's inappropriate to say these things..

Even now if i unblock him from social media I'll get a message within a few days saying things like:

"Hey, still beautiful i see" or "Hey cutie/sweetie" etc etc and he gets blocked again.. ug


My wife did while she was in college.

He had constant low self esteem which annoyed her, he also loved making fun of other people. Sounds like he was just a toxic guy.

When she broke up with him he wrote a suicide note naming her as the reason and showed up on campus with a gun. Fortunately nothing happened. He got some therapy and wasn't allowed back at the school.


Yes I did once, and I wish I didn't. He wasn't a nice guy after all. He treated me like I was the ugly one, I never felt more shitty in my whole life than when I was with him. I should have known


Yes. He was 26, I was 19. He aggressively “courted” me even after I told him I wasn’t interested but I finally gave in. He ended up being a total sociopath and convinced me I couldn’t survive without him- and then he cheated on me- full blown relationship behind my back, but tried to convince me I was crazy. Turned out it was a pattern with him. Note- if ALL his ex’s are “crazy” it’s not them, it’s him.


I was the nice guy. That attitude carried over into the relationship (entitlement, playing the victim, gaslighting). She wasn't perfect but damn she deserved better.

We're both married now to different, wonderful people. Haven't spoken to my ex since it ended. Occasionally wanted to reach out and apologize, but that would probably only dredge up painful memories for her.


My ex brought me cookies and stuff at work all the time even tho I repeatedly told him I didn't want them and wasn't interested. He didn't throw a tantrum really, but all my coworkers told me to 'give him a chance'.

I ended up wasting 3 years of my life with a very out of shape guy with a tiny d**k who treated me like s**t and stalked me when I finally got around to dumping him.


I've done it a few times. They're some of the most abusive, manipulative, controlling people I've ever had the displeasure of getting "close" to. 0/10.

They post, complaining that women only date assholes, but they're so wrapped around their own narcissistic attitudes and can't see past the petty little jealousy wall they've built. Women don't date 'assholes', they try to go after decent men, and if you catch yourself complaining about this, you're probably an asshole yourself.


My ex had a "friendzone" guy in the classic sense of the word. She knew he liked her, basically abused him to buy her food and clothes and stuff, he sort of seemed to expect her to come around and like him some day, he had very little social skills and didn't look after his appearance.

I met my ex in 2nd year of my uni, she introduced me to her "best friend" who was the most quintessentiall neckbeard looking guy. (Though admittedly he grew a thick beard all over his face, but never trimmed it). Long story short he had been her flatmate in halls and they developed a "friendship" which was her stringing him along and him buying her shit.

She would take him for "friend dates" at least once a fortnight, he brought her crazy expensive gifts (designer clothes, handbags, perfumes). I was always uncomfortable with her abusing him but I mean... The guy was so cringeworthy it hurt. This is how bad it was, at a party once we missed the last train, she called him at 4am and he drove over to the other side of the city juat to give us a lift back to my flat!

The whole relationship she seemed fine with me but we broke up on graduation mostly amicably due to us moving to different cities.

So friendzoned guy lands a massive job and is paid like £90k as a graduate in some software thing, all of a sudden she comes round on him lol. She made an Instagram post about how she finally fell for her best friend.

Last I saw on Facebook they are engaged. She does not work except for selling stuff on Facebook and Instagram.


Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school I briefly dated a "nice guy" (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing - thanks art school!) I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness my "nice guy" then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f***ed up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation.

He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings - he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires - just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that. Many of my friends were pushing for it as well - he was nice, afterall, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful.

I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual - "I treat you so well, don't you want to?" from him and "I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow" from me. One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f**k me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenaged me) were only a demonstration - proof that I loved him. That was what he wanted. But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me.

In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to "celebrate" our f***ing one month anniversary. I was mortified. My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best). I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying "it's okay to be alone." She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going "it's not your fault" in Good Will Hunting.

And soon enough I was. I broke up with him - kindly but firmly, and about 5 different times before he accepted it. He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since. I took a ton of shit at school for "breaking his heart" and "ruining his life" but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around, but didn't have a "boyfriend" again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone.


Anyone that's a self proclaimed 'nice guy' is usually controlling, abusive, and narcissistic, and pretty much a big mistake to get involved with. A genuinely nice guy does not need to boast and make statements about it, he just behaves in a respectable manner.


He destroyed my life for 3 years, he has now paying his dos... He gets to live with what he's done and the uncomfortable questions, I moved away and I'm so happy.


This will get lost in the many comments, but I tried going out with a nice guy after I initially rejected because I felt guilted into “just one date”. He proceeded to hover over me and awkwardly touch me throughout the entire date- even though we were in public. (We went to a movie)

He tried reaching for somewhere he shouldn’t, I told him no and tried to go back to watching the movie. He proceeded to whine “why” and then try to do it again. And again. Eventually I crossed my legs and arms, stopped touching him and just watched the movie until the end.

Afterward, I told him that I didn’t like how pushy he was. I’d given him a chance but I didn’t connect with him or like him. He screamed at me in public about how all girls are the same and what a stupid whore I was, that he paid for everything for nothing and that I was just leading him on. It triggered a panic attack and I started to tremble and cry like I was having a seizure. This didn’t even seem to FAZE him and he continued- but then some people stepped in.

It was two girls and their dad- they were maybe 14 and 16, and their Dad was a grizzled looking guy probably in his 40’s. The 16 year old ran over and took me by the shoulders, hugging me and basically yelled at the guy to back off and leave me alone. The 14 year old joined in to kind of hold me and their Dad walked up and just started to quietly talk to the guy and he ended up leaving. The three stayed with me, calmed me down, and even got me an ice cream. They made sure I had a safe ride home before they even walked me to my car to make sure he didn’t approach me again.

After this episode, the guy blocked my number and I thankfully never heard from him again. Because of this, I will never, EVER, EVER go out with a “nice guy” who decides to throw a fit if I say the n-word. (No.)


I have given 'nice guys' a chance and not a single one of them treated me like a queen. They might pay for dinner, but then they badger for sex afterwards because it's a debt owed. One of them bought me gifts, but all the gifts were cruel and insulting. Things like dieting books (I was 5'7" and 125 lbs, not that it should matter but it shows you the particular lengths).

The man I married didn't fit the 'nice guy' mold. He was just a sweet, weird guy. He did genuinely kind things like tip well and walk me to the bus. He'd ask before a kiss. He'd talk to me about how he felt and ask about how I felt.


You guys should know that gay men do this too.

I was talking to a guy several years back and on paper he seemed fine. We had conversations here and there and after a few weeks he wanted to meet. We’d planned on meeting halfway and getting to know each other in person.

A few days before we were to meet I messaged him saying I was a little nervous and I wanted to message a bit more first. Then he blew up with the stereotypical tantrum. You know how it goes.

“No, we aren’t waiting you ARE going to meet up with me. How dare you string me along. I’m a catch you’ll never do better than me I could have given you everything” blah blah blah. Big yikes.

I didn’t even respond, I just blocked him and moved on. Bullet dodged.


Pro tip: If he (or she) throws a tantrum, they are not a nice guy/girl/person. They are a manipulative jackass that needs to be avoided or blocked. You all deserve better than that.


I'll clarify. I am married, I've been married for 20 years. I get a whole slew of messages on social media from time to time from random people wanting to talk to me. Normally Im pretty cordial, Im very upfront about being married, even then I don't mind a random chitchat. Once I let them know that Im married. That's when Im called a whore or a slut. I also get this same sentence """" you really missed out, I would've treated you like a queen!!!!!""""" So my question is...to anyone who know. If you have dated a guy who acted like this. How did it turn out?


I had an experience with a ‘nice girl.’ Red flags everywhere, but I have it a shot. Extremely bad situation. It began with her moving into my place without asking within the first 2 weeks, thinking it would be a ‘surprise that I would/should love.’ She didn’t work, but expected me to make all the money AND also do every single chore since it was “my apartment.” It was only “our apartment” when she wanted to decorate something her way or change my stuff around. She had tantrums about everything possible, and if nothing was wrong she’d make something up to lose her mind about.

She also hit me with the “why don’t more guys just want someone who will love them unconditionally?” The irony of that escaped her. Men should want crazy girls because they’re crazy because they love you.

Yeah, f**k that.

She did do this thing where I would come home from work and she would be naked except for an apron thinking that was a ‘classic man fantasy’ and expected the world for doing it. It was great until I quickly realized it was for leverage. She expected the world of me while claiming to be the greatest woman on earth despite not ever showing the least bit of ACTUAL respect.


Yes. Turns out he is extremely racist, sexist, and could not make me orgasm for the life of him.


I was one! Until I was in my mid-20's.

Raised by narcissistic parents, I had no clue how to relate to the opposite sex.

I would try SO hard to be a good guy, polite, accommodating, etc. Never had a clue.

Painful to remember!


I was celebrating my last day in a city I had lived in for four years and had invited a bunch of friends out for a night on the town. And one of these "friends" was a self proclaimed chauvinist who insisted to walk on the outside of the sidewalk. So I thought it was uncomfortable that he kept on switching to the outside as I didn't feel I wanted that treatment. There are no horse carriages that splash shit on people anymore, I don't need a walking feces shield, thanks. But he basically ignored my lack of comfort with that and continued to explain that it's his duty to do that. He ended up eventually full out yelling at me and I cried and left. That was my own night to hang with people before departing.

Anyways we loosely stayed Facebook friends just because I feel like he is a litmus test to the crazy shit the internet is doing to the opinions of people and I'd like to keep a tab on how bad things are getting.

The end.


Yeah, I dated one. He was of the extra rare breed, a gay nice guy.

He felt entiteled to sex and affection and just couldn't take no for an answer. And he'd randomly pick me up and carry me around to "protect me" because he thought it was cute. He'd give me random gifts and flowers and expected affection in return, which was very uncomfortable.

Being put on a pedastle and worhipped doesn't feel right, it's weird and dehumanizing. Don't do that.

A lot of odd things like that.


Dunno if this applies as me giving a second chance. Also, this was in my game PMs after I played a mobile game with this guy.

So the start of the conversation was very generic nice guy. Started by being pretty cool, but asking for nudes when he figured out I was a girl, then saying I was a "nonesense b**ch" when I refused to comply. I just said "whatever. Text me later if you want gaming still". His words did a full mood swing and suddenly he's the cool gaming guy again.

This did scare me though. He was very insistent in the nudes stuff and then changed?? Maybe he was plotting more advances later and I actually got tired of the game so I just ghosted him and uninstalled it.


I met a guy at an audition (I do theatre). I couldn’t tell if he was trying to flirt because he was much older than me and I wasn’t used to being flirted with (I was a teenager at the time). He gave me kinda weird vibes anyway but somehow convinced me to meet him for coffee so he could give me advice on auditioning and such. I felt pressured to go because I could use the advice and felt I had no real reason to say no. I wore a maxi dress I like that had a slit up the leg (nothing really revealing) and when we sat down I played with it on my leg while we talked as a nervous twitch. He proceeded to ask me if I was doing it to tease him and things got super uncomfortable super fast. He seemed offended when I shut him down as nicely as possible and I only stayed until I finished my coffee and said I had to leave. He followed me to my car and insisted on a hug, asking when we could meet again. I gave a noncommittal answer. Got in my car, blocked his number and didn’t leave until I saw his car pull away. Still remains one of the top gross encounters I’ve had and ushered in the age of being hit in by increasingly older men who hate taking no as an answer.


I wouldn’t call myself a nice guy but I’m a people pleaser to an unhealthy degree.

My wife was the first to consistently call me out on my “thoughtfulness” that left her feeling overwhelmed constantly.

She consistently informed me that I need to chill out and focus on myself, not on her, that she would be just fine and I can leave her alone.

We’re approaching 3 years married next month. Still have things to work on but her ability to consistently and lovingly (eventually) tell me how my urge to “please” her was not pleasing to her was monumentally helpful.

Took me a long time to understand it. And I thought I had strong self-awareness before I met her!

If you think there’s a glimmer of hope there, please do your best to lovingly tell that man child he can chill out. It helped me to be asked if I had fears or thoughts about why I do those things, to challenge my notion of “normal” and let me self-reflect in it. Still took a while to get it.


Constantly got accused of cheating because I would fall asleep talking to him (you didn't fall asleep, you went to a party and f***ed around). Let's see- got called names, etc. And guilt-tripped into staying with him until I finally put my foot down. Stopped staying at his house and fastened to his hip.

And one of my other ex's always played "nice guy" until I responded with 'I don't know' when he asked when we could hang out and then he replied with "You are ugly anyway". Had a good laugh out of that one.


We dated for a few weeks and I was clear about wanting to keep things casual, oppositely he was getting very intense. I told him (gently) how I was feeling, and that I wanted to slow things down, he proceeded to swing between sending me photos of himself crying, or long abusive messages about what a 'slut' I am, and how he's sick of 'sluts' like me going for 'douche bags' and not giving good guys like him a chance. For days.


I was 17, he was 24. My friends told me “he’s so nice just do it!” He wore fedoras, said m’lady, collected figurines. He was nice, but nothing really sat comfortable for me, I just felt off the whole relationship. He was pissed after I broke up with him 3 or 4 months later. Year down the road he got busted for child pornography and is serving 10 years in federal prison. Still kinda wild to think I dated a sick f**k.


I was a shitty nice guy at one point. Felt I was owed love for my terrible life. I realized nothing is promised and I found my wife who took care of me in a rough part of my life on coffee shop wages while I sat at home and wallowed in my despair.

She paid my bills for 4 years. I then woke up and realized not only is this not fair to her, but I have been a total drag on her life. I vowed to do better, got in therapy and paid for her way through school to become a Nurse. I told her I could never repay what she did for me but I will continue to try everyday. To this day she is the light in my life and I will do anything to see her happy, healthy, and free of stress. When I married her, i married my soul mate.


This “nice” guy I dated from Tinder was so annoying that I finally gave him a chance - we ended up dating for a year. He was really sensitive and sweet, unlike others I’ve met from Tinder. But what actually ended up happening were the following things:

He would cry every single day that I “didn’t love him,” and threw a fit crying when I didn’t approve of an Instagram post he made about us (bc I looked horrible and it’s my right to not want a picture of me online)

Would tell me repeatedly that I wasn’t as attractive as my roommates, his friends, girls he went to college with, MY OWN RELATIVES, etc.

Tried to have a threesome with my roommate that I didn’t even ask for and didn’t want to be involved in

Would cry when the dildo he used on me did a better job than him

Would throw a fit when my father asked him to go buy me a bagel down the street in a city we were in, and he was on the verge of crying because he was afraid he would “get mugged”

When I told him I was probably gonna be the breadwinner and wore the pants in the relationship, he tried to get back at me by “asserting his masculinity” and racing me on the highway and did BDSM

Refused to wear condoms and when I had a pregnancy scare, he lied to me saying he didn’t ejaculate inside me, but later I found out he actually did and he KNEW about it

But then cried and threw a fit when I said I was sure i was pregnant

Would cry about how much he loves his mom everyday but threw things at her when they fought

Would cry because he had a nightmare that “minorities were hurting me” ?

There’s so much more but those are just SOME highlights


Dude added me on facebook, as soon as I added him he immediately messaged me saying I was sexy, "The Hottest guy he had ever seen" all that stuff(I am a guy). It was non stop messages like that for a month and him asking me we should hang out in person since we lived 20 minutes away, and each time I said no, cause I was still getting over a recent breakup, He kept using the "Why not I'm a good guy" ploy until I eventually caved and said, Why not? Day came dude was overly touchy, overly sexual in every way and made me extremely uncomfortable. We saw a movie and he tried to continuously touch me down there. I had enough at this point left mid movie he tried chasing after me and I told him to F off before I call the cops. Soon as I got home blocked any remnant of him. He still tries to add me with different facebook accounts to this day almost 2 years later as I'm happily in a relationship with a female.


He never had a tantrum but I gave a nice guy that isn't my type a chance.

Soon to be 8 years strong with a toddler and going to buy our first house soon.


There have been 2 occasions i did this. 1st time i was in a sophomore in high school this guy liked me and he basically had his friends bug me and harrass into just going to lunch. I went to lunch and he was acting insane, he was saying stuff like "if you were my girl i wouldn't let you wear all the stuff i see" and "you would have to text me hourly" and "i wanna make sure you haven't had any sexual contact with anyone but me"

I left lunch and went home. He then went on FB and told everyone we were dating and i was his gf. He found my house and just showed up and i was so scared and freaked out. I basically avoided him till he took the hint.

Then the other time i did it was senior year of high school. This guy was in my study hall and was always complimenting me and saying he would love to be my bf. Our mutual friend was like 'give him a chance' so i did. He followed me home and was trying to like make out and stuff and when i said no he got mad he said "you girls don't get blue balls. You suck" then he would text me nasty things all day and night stuff like "i would rock your world with how good i would f**k you" mind you at this point i wasn't a virgin and he was. He sent me d**k pics on Facebook and after like 3 weeks i told him to cut it out and leave me alone and he cornered me in a stairwell and threatened to break into my room and choke me out. I was so scared i told my dad and he called his parents.

He left me alone till prom and then saw me alone and tried to talk to me about f***ing him and i moved around him but he grabbed me and my friend had to yell at him to let go.

After that i stopped being nice.


I know this will be at the bottom but had to share. I read this thinking, who the hell would do that? Then I remembered. Me. I would do that. An intelligent, loved kid who felt pressured multiple times to “not hurt someone’s feelings”. The one that this thread made me remember when I was a sophomore in HS and a sophomore in college asked me out. We met at a charity event. Our mothers were there and knew each other. I was still uncomfortable.

Told a friend about it. She was horrified I would “pass up this opportunity” to go out with a college guy. He was calling and seemed nice enough. Fine. Set up a double date. On the way home from the pizza place it was just us and I realized that not only did I have nothing In common with him but he made me nervous. He pulled into the parking lot at a local school. One that was a quarter mile long and surrounded by trees. No neighbors in site. Closest house was half a mile away. I was crying and asking him why we were stopping. He went into this whole thing about how I led him on and when I explained I was uncomfortable he kept telling me what a nice guy he was. I believed it.

I was lucky. He didn’t force me or hurt me. He took me home without touching me but I was convinced that I was the bad guy in that situation. It made it hard for me to ever say no to any guy who showed any interest because I “knew” I was “hysterical” and over reactive. I ended up doing a lot of things that I really didn’t want to do. But, overall, I was and still consider myself lucky because no one raped me or hit me.

Looking at that sentence as a 30+ year old with kids it makes me want to throw up. I want so much more for my daughter (and sons) than to feel they were lucky they weren’t raped.


It started off great but after a few months it turned sour to tell a long story short there was horribe manipulation and abuse seriously girls if you meet a guy like this RUN


This has happened to me like three or four time where a guy became almost obsessed with me and everyone told me I have to date him and I’m nasty if I didn’t and one of the guys even said he doesn’t think he could live if I didn’t date him so all these guys I dated and all of them failed within literally days either they then just act like your friends or they want to know everything that’s happened and be around you 24/7 or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. I hate when people pressure you to date someone because your “ such good friends “ or “ but he really likes you you have to give him a chance!”


So back in high school I was friends with this guy that I knew liked me. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was feeling sorry for myself so I decided to flirt a little and then I felt bad so I shut things down because I didnt want to lead him on. He then threw a tantrum and I felt bad so I decided to keep flirting with him. I can't tell you what my thinking was at the time because I dont remember but I'm pretty sure I felt like I had already flirted so it wasnt a big deal. Well then he started stalking me. He showed up to my work place asking for my schedule and would just show up randomly, messaging me all the time even though I started ignoring him. I ended up moving to a different city for school and he somehow found my work and showed up there too. I had a panic attack and had to run out back to calm down. So yeah, I'd suggest leaving people like that alone.


I had a “nice guy” try to convince me to “let him” go out with my then girlfriend over the summer.


I married him a year later. It was the worst mistake of my life and I still have invisible and visible scars.


I did it. I was really young (13 I think). The guy asked me to date him, I said yes. Then he made fun of me to his friends so I dumped him. He harassed me and my little brother who was in the same school until I accepted to get back together. He even followed me to the toilets and teacher had to intervene.

He was actually pretty nice as a bf and bought me a few stuff but I was afraid of him and what he will do to me if we break up. I dumped him by text at the beginning of summer vacations to avoid seeing him (I know, not great but I was a child).

His parents got divorced and he was sent to boarding school in September so I didn't have to deal with him again.


The more I read these kinds of posts, the more I cringe. Not only because of the entitled, manipulative and selfish behavior of these "nice guys", but because I think I was one. I recognize a lot these behaviors as things that I felt, though didn't act on most of them. I didn't get a girlfriend until my first year of college, and looking back, I pouted when she turned me down for sex, bargained with her for sex, tried to guilt her into it, and internally raged at the fact that though we had lost our virginity to one another, we rarely repeated the act. I never blew up on her, but rather internalized it in a shame spiral that f***ed me up for years. I thought I was ennobled by my reverence of her, that I was different from other guys because "I was a nice guy who treated her like a queen". But I didn't. I'm pushing 40 now, and looking at my younger self, I was on a dangerous path towards abusive behavior. We broke up after 2 years, and I met another girl who was more compatible sexually, but the possessiveness continued. I was distracted by the abundance of sex, so I didn't work on the issues I should have. I don't know if we just grew apart because college was wrapping up, or if the slow acting poison of my smothering behavior killed things from within, and she broke up with me a month before graduation. But in the end, with a lot of introspection, I learned how to treat people with dignity and recognized their needs and desires had exactly as much value as my own. I think its hard for some people to process their feelings. We feel them, so we have to be right. Its the other person who just doesn't get it. Thats not an excuse, but recognizing the flaws in that thinking can lead to growth and becoming a better person and partner.


I did and like many of people here, I wish I hadn't. He would stalk me everywhere and would get mad if I was out with my friends (I was 15, he was 17), he wouldn't respect my privacy and would take my stuff without permission. After breaking up with him, 1 day later, on my birthday, he tried to rape me.


This guy would come in my work when I was younger and would make excuses to talk to me. I wasn't interested and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Eventually I agreed to go out with him because I was young and thought the relentless not taking a no was what men did because of cheesy romcom movies or some shit.

He went way too intense for a first date, especially one at the cinema. He brought me a huge bouquet of flowers (honestly ridiculously huge) and a gift bag with two bottles of expensive champagne.

We went to the cinema and he spent the entire movie staring at me and smiling. It was so f**ing weird. I think he watched about 3 seconds of the movie because he was too busy "looking at my beauty".

F**k knows why I agreed to a second date.

On the second date he would ask me stuff about myself and then get really weird and huffy even though I was just answering normal questions like a normal person. I asked what was wrong with him and he said "you're not the person I imagined. I have been obsessed with you for ages and you're disappointing me" and then got angry about it.

This crazy f***er honestly invented a personality in his head (because he had never actually spoken to me properly) and then was angry at ME when I wasn't this imaginary person he invented.

He probably f**ks a pillow now since "she" can't disappoint him like real humans.


I did. A 4chan type weirdo. He would tell me no one would ever give him a chance or ever love him. Basically the second I returned interest in him he started treating me like dirt and accused me of stalking him because we saw each other at some same bars we hung out at. I actually really did like him. After a year of mixed signals I stopped contacting him he of course became interested again. Maniac.


In my own experience it turned out horribly, I truly believed he was a "nice guy", turns out he was a very good liar and cheat...


I had a nice guy tell me we needed to meet up and we made plans before we got together he told me he had herpes and his doctor told him it's okay to have Sex as long as he is with only that person and she with him. We never did get together.. I kinda feel like I dodged a bullet. Anyone stupid enough to "fall for that line" I'm very sorry.


i never understood how someone could be a "niceguy" and i honestly feel bad for them. did no one teach them how to be gentlemen or how to act?

i was raised by two gay dads but i was, from a very young age, thought to respect women and to treat them well and that (not only towards women but people in general) i am owed nothing from anyone

what had to go wrong for someone to become a "niceguy"


He was nice enough and seemed apologetic so I said yes. After about a month he decided he was so happy with me that he didn’t need to take his meds anymore. I don’t know what his diagnosis was but it certainly involved psychosis. While staying at his parents place he sleep walked and screamed at me horrible insults all while calling me “mom” (he was asleep). Anyway, I slept on the couch and then noped out of there first thing in the morning. He called me crying that I was judging him for having mental illness and that it’s my fault he’s going to kill himself. (Just take your f***ing Meds and we are cool.)


He was emotionally abusive for 3 years, made me feel like utter garbage, then "broke up with me" by showing up on my doorstep with a smile on his face and all my stuff I left at his PARENTS HOUSE in a trash bag. Don't waste your time


Yes, and he turned out being an absolute psycho after 2 months of being together. He raped me & he’s still out walking free.

So it didn’t work out very well, obviously.


Yup I did and he was a prick. He acted like he owned me masking it with "treating me like a queen".


In high school me(a guy) and 2 girls sat at lunch one semester(the tables had 4 seats). This guy kept coming over to "talk" to one of the girls almost everyday. He had a huge crush on her. He was nice except for the clingy & stalker behaviors. She didn't like the attention & always asked him to leave her alone, go away..etc. We started hooking the empty chair with our feet when we saw him coming. He would forcefully pull the chair then sit as if everything was ok. Wherever the girl was, when he was not in his own classroom, he would appear. He looked her up in the phone book & started calling her house to talk to her. He looked up other girls numbers too.

Eventually he lost interest in her & stopped being weird about her.