5 Things Your Partner Does That Hurt More Than a Heartbreak

 

You’d think the worst pain you can experience in love is a breakup. What can possibly hurt more than the end of love?

It turns out the heartbreak isn’t the worst that can happen.

Love is a dangerous game. When you’re in love, you find countless reasons to justify your partner’s toxic behavior. So it grows slowly, and you adjust without noticing it. Next thing you know, you break your values and accept things you’d never imagined before.

Your dream relationship turns into a nightmare.

But it gets worse: you don’t even notice how much it hurts until it’s too late. By that point, you can’t come back anymore. You’re still in a relationship, but all it does is hurt you. That’s why you have to watch the signs before it’s too late.

These things make the breakup pain feel like a child’s game.

1. When you have a potential relationship.

Potential relationships seem harmless, but they are incredibly heartbreaking.

In case you’re lucky enough to have never experienced it, let me tell you how it goes: you meet someone, go on a couple of dates, and when you start creating feelings… they disappear. No explanation, no fight. Just the unforeseeable end.

This relationship ended before it started.

Here’s why it hurts like a b*tch: you’re left to wonder what could’ve been. When you end a real relationship, you know what it was like. You also know why it didn’t work (or at least you have an idea).

But potential relationships can be anything you want.

This relationship is perfect because it never happened. It’s not real, but in your mind, it kind of was. And no real relationship can compete with a fantasy.

That’s why it’s 10x more difficult to overcome a relationship that never happened.

2. When you compete with their phone.

You already know how much people love their phones. You can’t do anything without it anymore (I know you take it to the bathroom with you when you poop).

But do you ever think of how it affects relationships?

Do you ever feel like you compete with your partner’s phone? You know the feeling: while you talk, they scroll down their social media feed. They reply with “yes” or “no,” and the conversation is mostly a monologue. This looks harmless, but it sends a powerful message.

The phone matters more than you.

You have limited attention, right? You can’t solve a math problem and write an essay at the same time. You have to make choices. Your partner is no different. Except the choice was: either spend time on their phone or with you.

This habit builds up until you feel like you don’t matter.

It’s like death by one thousand needles. You endure it as much as you can. But when you break, it’s devastating.

Your relationship makes you feel worthless.

3. When they ignore your feelings.

Imagine this: your partner accidentally did something that hurt you. So you explain what happened and how you feel. You’d expect them to understand and apologize, right?

Except they ignore your feelings and call you crazy.

Now the problem isn’t the accident that hurt you anymore. It’s how they put their ego before your relationship. That’s why it hurts so much.

When they ignore your feelings, they hurt you twice.

They might even love you. But this habit shows a dangerous pattern: they love their ego more. The priority isn’t your relationship; it’s themselves.

It gets worse: they won’t change.

If your partner doesn’t listen to you now, they won’t later. Since they don’t think they’re wrong, why would they change their behavior? Or maybe they know they’re wrong but don’t want to go through the effort and change.

They’ll continue to disregard your feelings and put themselves first.

They’ll continue to hurt you (maybe for years). And that’s way worse than a breakup.

4. When you’re never the priority.

Relationships are like plants.

Before you call me crazy, let me explain: plants need care. You need to water and put them in the sun. Relationships also need care. You need to text and spend time together. I’ll give you a concrete example:

You’d probably break up with your partner if they ghosted you for two weeks.

They didn’t do anything wrong (they didn’t do anything at all). But you’d still break up, and you’re not wrong.

Relationships need to be a priority.

I’m not saying your partner needs to leave everything behind to tend to your needs. But if they’re always too busy with work, family, and friends, you should take a step back.

When everything else is a priority, you’re not.

You can try to water the plant alone. And it might work for a while. But your efforts won’t be enough: relationships take two people. You’ll end up exhausted and frustrated.

Knowing someone you love doesn’t want to put in the same effort as you is devastating.

5. When you give up on yourself.

There’s one popular love advice that’s insanely dangerous (but nobody realizes it). It goes like this: “love is the union of two halves.” You’re not complete until you find love.

Can you imagine how much pressure that puts into love?

Let me cut the cr*p: your partner doesn’t have to complete you. That’s the mindset that puts you in toxic relationships.

Healthy relationships are made of two whole individuals, not two halves.

That’s why it hurts so much to lose yourself in a relationship. You slowly stop seeing your friends, give up on your hobbies, and takes your partner’s personality instead. Your relationship becomes your whole world.

Except there’s no guarantee this relationship will last forever.

What happens when it ends? You don’t even have yourself anymore. It’ll take years to recover and find yourself again.

Even if it doesn’t end, you can’t lose touch with yourself.

It might not hurt like a punch in your face. But it hurts a little bit every day. It’s a small feeling you can’t quite grasp. So know who you are, and don’t let it go.

…

Breakups hurt like a b*tch. But I’m here to tell you there are worse things.

When you give up on yourself or stay with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, it sends a dangerous message to your brain: “you don’t matter.”

It might be obvious looking from the outside, but when you’re emotionally involved, you can’t see it. You always think you can try a little more (you trust the power of love). So you stay in the relationship, even if it hurts. But you’re missing one key rule of relationships.

Love should make you feel good.

Yes, you’ll face challenges. But you shouldn’t feel like garbage. So if you notice you got used to feeling more pain than love in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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