147 of The Very Best Dad Jokes And Puns
Dad jokes are more than funny jokes that happen to be told by men with kids. They walk a razor-thin line between wit and dumb humor, equal parts cheesy and hilarious. A great dad joke is almost always a variation on the pun — a punchline that’s both super ridiculous and cerebrally obscure. It challenges your brain and leaves you laughing in disbelief. And although dad jokes may be fearlessly corny, that doesn’t mean they can’t be hilarious. Here are some of the best dad jokes around to help you get everyone laughing. Or groaning, which isn’t necessarily an unfavorable reaction.
Dad Jokes About Animals
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.
Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.
Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the road?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!
Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.
Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving.
Q: What did the duck say when it bought chapstick?
A: “Put it on my bill!”
Q: What does a cow use to do math?
A: A cow-culator.
Q: What would bears be without the letter B?
A: Ears.
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaaad moooooooood.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump, silly.
Q: What did the alpaca say to his date?
A: “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.
Q: Why are snails bad at racing?
A: They’re sluggish.
Q: What do you call a penguin in the White House?
A: Lost.
Q: What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey?
A: A pouch potato.
Q: How does a boar sign its name?
A: With a pig pen.
Q: Why should you never trust a carp’s excuse?
A: They always seem a little fishy.
Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.
Dad Jokes About Science
Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.
Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!
Q: What did the photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag?
A: “No thanks, I’m traveling light!”
Q: Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.
Q: Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano?
A: It’s just so lava-ble.
Q: What kind of music do the planets listen to?
A: Nep-tunes!
Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.
Q: What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
A: “Hey there bud!”
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: What did Mars ask Saturn?
A: “Hey, why don’t you give me a ring some time?”
Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: What do clouds do when they become rich?
A: They make it rain!
Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
Q: Want to hear a potassium joke?
A: K.
Q: Why are helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.
Q: What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down his genes!
Q: How did the chemist feel about oxygen and potassium hanging out?
A: OK.
Q: When Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, what do you call them?
A: Alloys.
Dad Jokes About Technology
Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.
Q: Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?
A: He had a hard drive.
Q: Did you hear about the power outlet that got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.
Q: Why did the computer have no money left?
A: Someone cleaned out its cache!
Q: What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
A: Microchips!
Q: What do you call monkeys with a shared Amazon account?
A: Prime mates.
Q: Why should you never use “beef stew” as a password?
A: It’s not stroganoff.
Q: What do you call your grandma’s number on speed dial?
A: Instagram.
Q: What’s another name for an iPhone power cord?
A: Apple juice.
Q: What do you call a video game rematch?
A: A Wii-match.
Q: What do you call a TV vaccination?
A: A screen-shot.
Q: Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Why did the computer always play “Someone Like You?”
A: It was a Dell.
Q: Why did the laptop show up late to school?
A: It had a hard drive.
Q: What kind of internet page do you seek out when your eyes are tired of reading?
A: A site for sore eyes.
Q: What do you call an iPhone with no sense of humor?
A: Too Siri-ous.
Q: Why was the Samsung phone’s camera blurry?
A: It had lost its contacts.
Q: Why was the man fired from the keyboard factory?
A: He wasn’t working with enough shifts.
Q: Why couldn’t the computer buy a new pair of jeans?
A: It had spent all its cache.
Q: Why do smartphones ring?
A: Because they can’t talk.
Dad Jokes About Food
Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
Q: What did the Baby corn ask Mama corn?
A: “Where’s my pop corn?”
Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed get off the hill?
A: It was on a roll.
Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.
Q: Why did the onion get flustered?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why is the hot pepper the nosiest vegetable?
A: It can’t help but get jalapéno space.
Q: Why do crabs never share their lobsters?
A: They’re shellfish.
Q: What do Japanese monsters like to eat ?
A: Raw-men
Q: What do you call a happy camper?
A Jolly Rancher.
Q: Why are mushrooms always invited to parties?
A: They’re a fungi.
Q: What do you call a fancy seafood meal?
A: So-fish-ticated.
Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
A: A blueberry.
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He wasn’t peeling well.
Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A: A pork chop.
Q: Where do pancakes rise?
A: In the yeast.
Q: What is a mummy’s favorite food?
A: Wraps.
Q: What kind of fruit do you bring while sailing?
A: Naval oranges.
Q: What do frogs order at restaurants?
A: French flies.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: Impasta.
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Good
Q: How do I look?
A: With your eyes.
Q: How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A: A tractor.
Q: Why is the cemetery so popular?
A: People are just dying to get in there!
Q: What was the child who wouldn’t nap guilty of?
A: Resisting a rest!
Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: To the moovies.
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: “Nice belt.”
Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
A: A meow-tain.
Q: What do you call a flea in France?
A: A paris-ite.
Q: What runs around a baseball field but never moves?
A: A fence.
Q: Why was the calendar afraid?
A: Its days were numbered.
Q: What time did the man go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurt-y.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?
A: It didn’t have the guts.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it.
Q: My dad told me a joke about boxing.
A: I guess I missed the punch line.
Q: What kind of car does an egg drive?
A: A yolkswagen.
Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
A: Snowballs.
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.
Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: “Pick a cod, any cod.”
Q: Which bear is the most condescending?
A: A pan-duh!
Q: What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
A: Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Dad Jokes About Movies and Pop Culture
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.
Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.
Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.
Q: What’s the difference between Harry Potter and Voldemort’s Instagram accounts?
A: Voldemort has followers, Harry Potter, friends.
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1.
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ drizzle.
Q: What do you call a security guard outside of a Samsung store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What did Mark Wahlberg feed Ted?
A: Nothing, because he was already stuffed.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she’d just let it go.
Q: How does Reese eat cereal?
A: Witherspoon.
Q: What do you get when you light 16 candles under a romantic comedy lead actor?
A: John Bar-be-Cusak.
Q: What do you call a nearsighted cowboy?
A: Squint Eastwood.
Q: Why did the Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the dark side.
Q: What do you call a freshly fallen tree?
A: Die Hard.
Q: Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie?
A: It’s rated “Arrrrrrr.”
Star Wars Dad Jokes
Q: What kind of business would Yoda start?
A: A Toy Yoda dealership
Q: What do Gungans keep things in?
A: Jar Jars.
Q: What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name?
A: The!
Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?
A: He felt his presents.
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his fir?
A: A chocolate chip Wookie.
Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter!
Q: Where did Luke Skywalker buy his new arm?
A: At the second hand store!
Q: What does everyone call Darth Vader whenever he procrastinates?
A: Darth Later.
Q: What was Luke’s reaction to food made by baby Wookiees?
A: “It’s good, but it’s a little Chewie.”
Q: Did you hear about the Gungan who became a taxi cab driver?
A: His name is Car Car Binks.
Q: Why does Darth Vader always sound so angry when he breathes?
A: He’s always venting.
Q: What do you call Kenobi triplets?
A: Obi-Threes.
Q: What do you call C-3PO when he’s being a good listener?
A: Hear-Threepio.
Q: What was Luke’s secret codename before he got his mechanical limb?
A: Hand Solo
Q: Where would Darth Vader stay if he would settle down in the USA?
A: The Empire State Building.
Q: Why did the movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
A: In charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
A: So it doesn't Hang So-low.
Dad Jokes About Cars & Vehicles
Q: How often did my friend ride his DeLorean?
A: From time to time.
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxis.
Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Q: What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?
A: A carpet.
Q: Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul van?
A: He wanted to bust a move.
Q: What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of fuel?
A: The Ford Siesta.
Q: What kind of vehicle does an egg drive?
A: A Yolks-wagen.
Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: “Close your eyes, I’m changing!”
Q: Why can’t motorcycles do push-ups?
A: Because they’re always two-tired.
Q: What kind of cars do cats drive?
A: Catillacs.
Q: What happened when the man crashed his expensive car?
A: He found out how a Mercedes bends.
Q: Why did the spider buy a sports car?
A: So he could take it out for a spin.